How to beat the ‘I’ll be happy when’ mindset
Co-Founder Jen Green
I feel like I’ve spent a huge proportion of my life setting myself goals and telling myself ‘I’ll be happy when’ I’ve achieved whatever it may be; a goal weight, a position in work, a certain amount in my bank account, etc. That’s not to say I’ve spent a huge proportion of my life unhappy, far from it, but it’s like I thought that once I reached those milestones, things would all of a sudden be different and I’d unlock this extra bonus level to life that was currently unavailable to me. Apparently, this is fairly common however, there’s something dangerous about that mindset so I want to share with you what I’ve learnt, how I overcame that mindset and the secret to getting to the bonus level.
It might be stating the obvious but the problem with a ‘I’ll be happy when’ mindset is that the expected sudden happiness never actually comes if you attribute it to a status or goal. The best example I can give you and the most common theme throughout my life that I’ve used it for is with my weight. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself ‘I just need to lose a stone, I’m going to focus on that and then when I reach that weight, I’ll feel amazing and my life will be perfect’. I mean, I’d like to say I’m joking but honestly, that was my mindset. I’d often reach that goal, so stone gone but then say to myself ‘okay you look better but really you need to lose another few lbs so just do that and THEN life will be hunkydory’. Again, I’d lose the few Ib’s only to decide I still had a little bit further to go. You can see where I’m going with this, but the problem was that I was absolutely convinced that reaching a certain weight would all of a sudden change my life. It was like I was almost there, but not quite. Meaning, I was living with the constant feeling that I was mostly happy but on the cusp of something greater that never seem to materialise. I guess you could say I was very familiar with feeling discontent.
Now the harsh reality of life is this… this is it! This IS the bonus level. I came to realise this after reaching several goals and finding life hadn’t really changed that much. I’ve reached my goal weight (a few times actually), got the promotions, bought the bag, saved the money etc. I absolutely love anything to do with self-development and growth and will give anything a go once. I once signed up for a 4 day seminar with world-renowned motivational speaker, Tony Robbins called ‘Unleash the Power Within’. I’d wanted to do it for years after a friend told me it changed her life and in 2017, I thought sod it, I’m going to go and see what all the fuss is about. The event came with all kinds of promises but the one I was most interested in was that it was going to answer this question… ‘What is the key to a happy life?’. I won’t go into the details of the event, but it was equal measures of amazing and weird. It definitely felt a bit culty at times and I’ve never high-fived so many people in my life. Anyway, the main take away I can share with you is the answer to that burning question (it’ll save you a wedge of cash and you won’t have to walk on burning coals, yes really!).
So here it is (according to Tony Robbins) the key to a happy life is…. Progression and Contribution. If that feels like an anti-climax please just think of me on day 4 of the seminar, having stood around thousands of people chanting and wailing into the abyss whilst I sat perplexed and planning what I was going to eat when I got home. But if you think about it, it’s genius, completely true and wonderfully simple. It’s the process of achieving your goals that gives you that feeling of satisfaction and fulfilment. Have you ever set yourself a goal and then taken even the smallest step to achieving it and felt a buzz? It’s THAT feeling. That’s what you need to recognise and relish.
Since my unusual Tony Robbins experience, I have really learnt to appreciate the journey when setting out to achieve my goals. Understanding that my life doesn’t change once I reach a goal (and I’ll probably set bigger ones that move the goalposts as soon as I reach them), has taught me to live in the moment and be happy with what’s right in front of me. It’s not something that happened overnight and I’ve had to work on it, but it’s definitely one of my favourite things I’ve learnt.
One of the core values of Sunday Luxe is to inspire and support our women to live with purpose, pushing ourselves to be the best possible versions of who we are. Setting goals that push us out of our comfort zones is a great way of doing that. So... how amazing is it that all you have to do is choose a goal that scares you, then take the first step to achieving it, and you get to have THAT feeling of progress…and live forever at the bonus level.